There appears to be a universal motion in the cosmos — a drift toward what we call disorder. Paint peels off window frames, sidewalks crack where tree roots push through, metal fences turn orange with rust. As a maker, this reality generates a strange tension. Every mark I make will fade, yet something in me insists on making marks anyway. The metal I work with is oxidizing even as I shape it, but that oxidation becomes part of the work’s language.

I stand in my studio and wonder if I should be making anything at all. Around me, sheets of metal wait to be shaped, chemicals promise new surface treatments, algorithms generate endless variations on my screen. But beneath the familiar materials lies an unfamiliar doubt: in a world already drowning in human output, what justifies adding more? This is every creator’s worst fear: that their work doesn’t matter. This doubt arrives without warning, usually when I’m scrolling through image feeds or walking through art fairs.

I am working with oxidation when the system breaks down. For weeks I’ve been developing a patination formula — specific ratios of copper sulfate to ferric chloride, controlled application temperatures, documented exposure times. The systematic approach promises predictable surface transformations: measure precisely, record every variable, create the reproducible rust patterns that will work across all future pieces. But the metal keeps producing textures I didn’t program. The mixture that should yield uniform green oxidation instead creates unexpected crystalline formations.

In the endless quest to understand consciousness, perhaps the most intimate yet mysterious aspect of our existence, we find ourselves trapped in a paradox. Every attempt to explain awareness must use the very awareness it seeks to explain. Like trying to illuminate a flashlight with its own beam, consciousness studying consciousness creates recursive loops that seem to spiral into infinite regress rather than toward clarity. This self-referential puzzle mirrors Gödel’s incompleteness theorem, which demonstrated that mathematical systems cannot prove their own consistency without stepping outside themselves.